Scared, uncomfortable, controlled, and subordinate are all feelings that women are forced to feel on a daily basis. Why is this? It’s because of men and what they have done and continue to do to women. Women have been seen as not strong enough, not smart enough, and inferior to men in many aspects since the beginning of time. This became normalized and as a result, certain societal gender norms were formed. Such as it being the woman’s job to clean the house, take care of the kids, make food for their families, and take care of every other household chore at the same time. Oftentimes when a woman tries to get out of those stereotypes she is met with discouragement because people believe that she is not capable of achieving anything more. This is blatant sexism and it’s a major issue in the world. Another prevalent issue against women is misogyny which is defined as the dislike of, contempt for, or the ingrained prejedice against women. Misogynistic men can cause physical, verbal, and emotional abuse to women or even legal restrictions against the rights that women were given. In some cases men have gone as far as raping and murdering women that don’t comply with them or reject their advances. This is a huge issue because it makes women fear walking the streets whether it be day or night, a lot of women are scared to be out alone because of what men can possibly do to them so they carry weapons, look over their shoulders, and walk as fast as they can. This is unfortunately the reality that we live in and it should not be this way.
Catcallers often feel a sense of entitlement. Most of them feel as though you must comply with them or the consequence can be as far as losing your life. On November 23rd, 2019 a woman named Ruth George was put into a chokehold and choked to death by a 23 year old man named Donald Thurman. Upon leaving her college campus to go home she approached her car ignoring Thurman’s comments towards her. This enraged him and led him to following her and then killing her for her body to be found in the back seat of her car the next day. This disturbing story is something that happens too often. Ruth simply wanted to go home and chose not to respond which was not a bad call on her part, it’s the fact that catcallers cannot handle rejection. In an article about the topic written by Julie Bosman on the New York Times, a classmate of Ruth’s, Rachel Kwon, commented on the situation. She said, “I’m just feeling the anger of having to deal with that, as a woman.” Another student stated that, “…she endures street harassment constantly, and her response varies based on the circumstances: what time of day it is, whether she is alone or in a pack of friends. Sometimes she gets ‘belligerent’ she said, telling men making unwanted comments to leave her alone. Other times, like at night, she stays quiet.” From this you can see that this is a universal problem and fear that all women share. The things they say are not compliments they should not be taken lightly and they should not be excused. Misogynistic men who catcall feel as though they are above these women and can do whatever they wish as if women are not humans too.
Misogynistic and sexist men can seek control of a woman in many ways, one major thing that is very prevalent right now is the right to abortion. This right to have one has been in heavy debate over the last few years and in countries such as the Dominican Republic, El Salvador, Honduras and Nicaragua they have been banned. This is unacceptable because the choices a woman makes with her body should and should always be her own. By taking away this right you are taking a basic human right that women were rightfully given due to your own personal beliefs. In texas a 6 week abortion law has been passed called the heartbeat bill, a video on facebook (https://www.facebook.com/TexasGovernor/videos/watch-live-signing-the-heartbeat-bill-into-law/137735421731525/) show’s a room of the Texas legislature signing the bill. The room is unsurprisingly full of white men who think they’re doing great by the unborn babies when in reality they’re forcing women to have these babies causes more children in foster homes, more women to struggle financially, and forces survivors of rape to bear the children of their rapists. They believe this bill is fair because it only makes abortions legal up until the 6 week mark, after this the abortion is illegal though most women get symptoms and become aware of their pregnancy after the 6 week mark. Regardless, why is it that only a woman must face legal action if she aborts? Pregnancy is a two person thing and a man should also be held responsible for the abortion as well. If men in power believe they can strip women of their rights why can’t the same men also face the consequences that a woman has to, it’s incredibly one sided.
As a man I can preach about these topics all day though I have never felt the struggles directly. in order to get thoughts about the topic of misogyny and sexism from someone who deals with it first hand so I chose to interview my girlfriend, Daniela.
Me: I’m going to ask a series of questions regarding your experience as a woman and with misogyny and sexism, starting with, what do you think about men as a whole? Has your job at a gentlemen’s club altered your views?
Daniela: “Before I started working there I already knew how men acted and I did not expect much from them in the sense of being a decent human being. The same night that I got my interview the women warned me, they asked “how do you feel about men?” I said “I don’t like them” and she replied “Well you’re about to hate them.” There was really no doubt in my mind. Based on how they act in the streets I can imagine how they would act in an environment that is full of sex and half naked women. We have this running joke that nobody that comes into a strip club is normal, especially with what you see that goes on in there and the lack of respect that men have and the lack of boundaries. It’s honestly just like a fucking bull in a china shop, they just feel very entitled to whatever and I want to say that they don’t realize some of the things that they do but they definetely do. At first I thought I was overreacting because I am not a dancer, though everyone that goes through the doors interacts with me before and after so I feel like I see a lot and I deal with a lot.”
Me: How often would you say you get approached, cat called, or harassed by men. What do these interactions entail?
Daniela: “Everyday. There has not been a single day where I go and there hasn’t been a strange creepy man that says something disgusting to me, but it’s not limited to my job. Usually when I put their jackets up I have to ask for their initials to write on the ticket and I did that on friday. I asked this guy what his name was and he said “daddy”. Although this doesn’t seem like such a big deal but when you get that from every single perverted fuck that walks in there it gets very tiring. Sometimes it’s funny and sometimes it’s lighthearted and they do not mean to disrespect you and they make that clear though that’s on a very rare occasion. Being that I work in the day time I get more phone calls than the night shift does, and I want to say maybe 85% of the calls that I get are prank calls of literal grown men saying some of the most disgusting shit I’ve ever heard and they think they’re being funny but it’s really not it makes them look sick in the fucking head. Their favorite line to use is “Are you a stripper?” and they try to make it seem as if I sat half naked next to a phone all fucking day to serve as their phone sex operator like dial a hoe. There’s also the occasional fake scary aggressive man that calls, it actually happens a lot where I say “Thank you for calling my name is blah blah blah, how can I help you?” and guys get unexpectedly horny and start saying how they love my voice and want to keep talking to me. On this one particular day this guy called, he continued to try and pursue a sexually conversation with me even though I was just asking how I could help him before I eventually hung up. I didn’t think that much of it but then the phone rang again and it was him but this time he was yelling and angry for a reason that is beyond me, I don’t know. He said “Bitch, you hung up the fucking phone on me…you think you’re so much better than me huh? You think you can’t be bought, bitch I can fucking buy you.” I think it’s just some sick way of them trying to feel better about themselves.”
Me: Was there ever a moment where you feared for your safety or even your life?
Daniela: “The time I almost got kidnapped. One time when I was going to visit you at your house and it was during covid so your mom didn’t want anyone in the house, but she was still there so I had to wait outside until she left. I was just taking a walk around College Point, and I went to turn a corner and right before I turned this car stopped next to me, the guy started talking to me and obviously I didn’t pay him any attention. He didn’t go away until a bunch of cars lined up behind him and started honking, this happened more than once. I would walk around different blocks and he would just keep coming back until I thought I shook him and then the big black car rolled up next to me again. Only he stopped it and got out. He started walking closer to me, at this point I had pulled out my pepper spray and I started threatening him and telling to him to “fuck off” and “get the fuck away from me” or else I would pepper spray him. There had been a group of ladies that walked by and saw what was going on, but they just ignored it and kept walking. He really quickly got back in the car and I walked down the block and I thought that was the end and that I scared him, but then when I got to the corner he pulled up again. He got out of the car again and I was starting to panic because I didn’t know where to go without him following me. I couldn’t go back home and I couldn’t go to your house otherwise it would have made it worse. As I was just waiting it out, a little old man came and he started yelling at the guy and he finally drove off and never came back. Then it was just me and the old man standing there on the street and he was asking me if I was okay and I thanked him and said yea, then we both walked away.”
Me: What do you think the hardest part about being a woman in America is?
Daniela: “It all really falls under the umbrella of misogyny, women get paid less, women get harassed more; it’s already statistically proven that at least 98% of women have been sexually assaulted in their lifetime and that’s only the ones we know about. That’s just the tip of the iceberg though, women are oppressed. I also think that men should not be able to have opinions let alone make laws about women’s bodies, considering the fact that men don’t even experience birth or anything that has to do with the pregnancy process other than squirting it. You can’t seem to win in this world unless you are a white cis gender male with a lot of money, but women just get the shit end of the stick.”
Me: Finally, what are your thoughts on misogyny and sexism? How does it make you feel and what do you think can be done to solve this problem?
Daniela: “First off I don’t think anything can be done to solve it, I think men are hopeless. There’s always going to be some perverted asshole that can’t keep it in his pants. The ideas that these misogynistic men have are often learned and seen in their environment. It’s safe to say that teenagers in general are worried about the wrong things, like impressing their friends to seem cool or whatever. I feel like nowadays that’s how it starts, but as for the millennial men, that’s something that they have seen in their parents relationship and something that they learned from the male figures in their lives. Like every single ideology ever, you’re not born thinking a certain way. Everything is taught to you. But trust me this is not me excusing any of the shit that men do or say, I’m just saying that it had to come from somewhere. I personally am a misandrist and I really don’t give a fuck who knows it. So personally after all of the shit that I have seen and put up with from the male gender I have just had it already and I’m just bothered. I’m bothered by a lot of things these men do, it bothers me to even call them men because a man does not act that way.”
Therefore, in our society women as a whole are hardly treated like people and more as objects that misogynistic men feel as though they can have power over. Feminism is a fight that women and men can be apart of. It is not something against men, it is something that advocates for women’s rights and fights sexism and misogyny. Men who have any sexist beliefs or any misogynistic ideologies need to make a change. Whether that be the ones in power, abusers, or any random man on the street. The way they act, what they say, and how they think is what oppresses these women who are human and should be treated as such.
